Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, (yes, I spelled it right), Happy Channukah, and all that shit. So, I was looking at a video game website just now, reading people's different Christmas stories about getting video games and all that shit, when I can across an article about the new Call of Duty game, Modern Warfare 2. These dumb mother fucking coalition assholes think that playing these games means that you will eventually shoot up a fucking school. Any asshole can tell you that by playing a fucking video game is not going to make you kill actual people. That is just retarded. Did fucking Hitler play Mortal Kombat? Did Stalin play Call of Duty? No you dumb shit, people were fucking crazy before you could play a violent video game, watch porno, or watch some other shit people find offensive. Fuck you. Know what I find offensive? Fucking kids. We all have to make sure the kids are alright. How about parents make sure there kids are alright and not watching Showtime porno or violent shit. If I want to kill Nazi's or zombies in a video game, I should be able to. Fucking retards, and Happy Holidays.

New Jersey is Awesome

I'm wondering if girls actually like these types of fellas' that are on this gem of a show called the Jersey Shore. It's funny as fuck, I get that. The Situation, the fucking hair and gel, I get that. But these moron's are beating the shit out of the floor at the club to start the fist pump. Almost like he Ulimate Warrior used to do when he ran down to the ring, then get his strength from beating the shit out of the ropes. I'm just wondering, because I am dumbfounded by this shit. Don't get me wrong, I'm all down to go tanning in a tanning bed with just a thong on and shit. I have had my eyebrows waxed and my nails manicured a few times. But, those were for occasions I thought called for it. Obviously, no event calls for it. I'm just a bit retarded. I don't think I'm jealous, but Jesus Christ, what the fuck goes on in peoples dick filled heads. I don't know. I just hope someone from this show dies of AIDS in the next six to twelve months. That would be kind of cute. Thats mean, I meant complications from the AIDS virus.

Trees are not really trees

Sooo, what makes the connotation for a tree, and actual tree. It is only a tree by name. Humans gave it that name. It history was not as is, a tree might have been called a car, or a lamp. What I'm trying to say is, how can you really know if anything we know is true? Sure, you have science, religion, and all this bullshit. But how can you be sure? I mean, humans invented numbers. Not necessarily the quantities that number quantify, but the connotation of a the actual written amalgam of numbers. So, a tree to once species of intelligent life is a frog to another. Some moron decided a tree looked like a tree, so called it a tree. I also wonder how a computer works. It's some crazy ass fucked up shit, but they work. Yea, right click that shit, double click and paste that. Times new roman, fuck out of here. So, in another universe, and computer could be connotated as a tree, and a tree a computer. And Obama a good president.

Ice Cream

So, I eat ice pops and fudge bars in a certain way. I use my tongue as I lick the shit out of it. As I put my lips around said pop, I throw some tongue action in there. I feel as though you must to get the full flavor. It's almost like you are cheating yourself out of the icy goodness that is (insert favorite ice pop here) Be in a fudge bar, and Great White, one of the classics, a Bubble Gum Swirl. The Great White was always fun. It's shaped like a shark, with the nose pointed up. So, as I would lick it, it would continue to curve up, and thin out. Almost like a wiener. But, without the tongue, it would just be another shitty ice pop. The Bubble Gum Swirl, although tasty in its own right, did not have the formation of the Great White. I also eat regular ice cream like that, but, being ice cream, the evidence is not as clear as when I eat ice. If I was a giving woman, I'm sure men would be lining up around the block for my services, if you catch what I'm throwing. I'm going to try and post some pictures of these ice creams, and the effects my tongue has on the shape. Now I must clean up the Dr. Pepper I spilled all over the fucking floor. Night

My Intestines from the Point of View of My Mouth.

Yeaaa, I have 6 followers. Anyway, I think today can be chalked up to me being mildly retarded. I went to bed, but before that, I decided it was a good idea to have two Oreo flavored Pop Tarts with milk. Then, why not wake up and have an ice coffee and a bagel with egg, cheese, salt, pepper, and ketchup. Then, take a bit of a break, ya know, cause I'm at work and all. Then, lets spend a few dollars on a roast beef sandwich on a roll with Peter Luger's sauce, cheese, and chocolate chip cookie, and, yes, and Dr Pepper, or DP for us in the know. Well, my ass was like the fountain of youth all day. Someone could have thrown some quarters into the toilet bowl and made enough wishes to get them through the next six days of birth. I feel a tad better now, although my ass is a bit chapped, and not in the, "boy, I really hate Republicans, they chap my ass". No, the "boy, I wish I had some kind of ointment, cause my ass is real chapped", kind of chapped.

ESPN Sucks a Large One

Good evening to all three of you. So, I have written this on facebook, but I think I should throw this out there on here. ESPN sucks. They are a bunch of fucking hypocrites. All of there anchors talk all this bullshit about players and people in different leagues, about how they have to have good character, do the moral, right thing, all of that shit. Meanwhile. half of the people that work for ESPN have been accused of sexual harassment. Now, I don't give a fuck what anyone does in there person life. Almost every president cheated on there wives, and I'm sure that there wives have done the same to them. Fucking Martin Luther King Junior used to have threesomes with his wife and other men, and no one is going to say he was a fuck up. Tiger Woods drives his car into a fire hydrent, and everyone is all up and arms, and busting this guys fucking balls. He has accomplished more than most, if not all of these news anchors and assholes who criticize and hang out in front of this guys house, pretty much stalking him, waiting for him to say something. So, to push threw the bullshit I just wrote, who gives a fuck who is fucking who, what this guy does on his spare time with or without his wife. Politicians are assholes, not because they cheat on there wives or husbands, but because you have to be an inherent asshole to be a politician. Yes, celebrities and athletes sometimes do dumb shit, well, most of them are young, and have more money than they know what to do with. So fuck you ESPN, Entertainment Tonight, TMZ, and anyone who doesn't believe I am the sexiest thing since Edward Cullen.

A nice introduction.

So, this is my very first blog. I have no idea how to really use this, but since I keep getting yelled at on facebook by, mostly family memebers, I decided to start a blog. Of course, my girlfriend helped me out. So, I'm going to keep this first one quick, and not say to much. But, if you are not easily offended, I wouldn't continue to read. If not, and can take a god damn joke, then by all means, come along for the retarded ride. Most, if not all, who are reading this, know me, so there's no need for me to put on here some bullshit that everyone knows. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the comings and goings of this blog. As long as the comings don't end up on my chin, I think I will enjoy writing this.